Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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