this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ketchup is God's man juice
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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