I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
