my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
