u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
