I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
