your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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