When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
