Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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