My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
