Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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