There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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