I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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