theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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