So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
