He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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