From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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