My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
