and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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