I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
