All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We had sex on a dog bed..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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