i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
