Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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