You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just tell him i said nine months
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
