mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
