is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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