I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
