he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
