I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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