HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
