I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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