I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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