how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
