Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
