Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
