bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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