I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
