I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
