Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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