btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
organizing the empties. That sober.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
