just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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