You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
