We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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