even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
