I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
