I can text with my tongue
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
