I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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