ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
