So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's shark week go big or go home
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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