Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
