Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
