what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
