Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
