Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize