god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
