I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
