census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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