He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
