But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
