fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize