I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
