Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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