why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
did i just pee glitter
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
