Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dicks are not precious.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
