sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
