my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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