he shaved USA in his pubs
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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